What Type of Home Do You Have?

As an appraiser, I see a lot of people’s homes both inside and out.  What type of home they have, how they live in their home, and the state of their home demonstrate many things to me regarding them as homeowners.  Although these things don’t always impact the value of a home (for example, having some mess due to raising children is to be expected – no judgements here!), some lifestyles can actually impact the value of the home in the long run.  The most loved, cared-for homes will always sell better, regardless of the current market.  Even if you aren’t planning on selling your home, or even if you are a renter and don’t own at all, how you live can affect you and your home in the long term. (According to some sources, it can actually affect you psychologically and emotionally, contributing to your overall happiness or discontent….but that’s for a future blog.)

The types of homes that stand out in my job:

• The Perfect Estate Home:  This home is indelibly neat, with the highest end finishes representing luxury living. These houses don’t even seem lived in!  The vibe of the house is what I call “sterile beauty”, not so much for comfort as for creating a beautiful environment. And, actually, the homeowner is either not there when I inspect or he/she is telecommuting on the phone.  These people tend to be very, very busy.  These homes are beautiful; they show well and sell well.
• The Kids-Run-Amok Home:  This home is nice and well-maintained with clean, updated finishes and good maintenance on the roof, etc.  The house has an overall homey vibe and usually smells like vanilla candles.  Everything is great except for the toys, toys, toys randomly strewn about as well as kiddie clothes, kiddie bibs, kiddie everything scattered about the house.  There is usually a mom at home, looking like someone had recently electrocuted her.  She opens the door and says; “Hi! Welcome, please help yourself! Oh, Danny – no honey, DROP THAT RIGHT NOW!...” As she scurries off, I go about my business, actively avoiding rogue toys that wait in the shadows to trip me. These homes are nice but don’t show well with the kids around.
•  The Green Home:  In the past, these homes have been reserved for only the most forward-thinking people. They also can be rather costly. But the green home is gaining fanatical popularity and will definitely get buyers interest these days.  These homes have been revamped with the latest in heating/cooling design and technology as well as lighting and water usage.  They are often more comfortable, as well, since they are more thermo-regulated. They are modern, clean and efficient – perfect for the Ikea-lover in you.
• The Vintage Home: Some of my favorites, these homes have vintage-everything! From the architecture (Craftsman, Victorians, Tudors, etc) to the furnishings and even the fixtures, these homes tell stories of years-gone-by.  They are often lovingly maintained, although not the perfect sterile Estate Home.  These homes are warmer and feel lived-in. Walking through them, you can almost picture the generations of people that have lived there.  Sometimes these houses have been neglected, but they are often easy to bring back to health since the “bones” are so good. Very popular homes in the Bay Area. 
• The Spiritual Home: This is the house where as soon as I enter it, a sort of quiet calm surrounds me and I wonder:  why can’t my home be like this?  These homes are usually beautifully and serenely decorated, well-maintained and very simple.  They are sanctuaries, often with calming water features and gardens that belong in magazines. They smell like heaven, seriously.  And they are always clean and uncluttered. This is the living environment that nurtures the soul.
•  The Animal Home:  These homes are not usually a pleasant experience, although there are wonderful exceptions.  This home can range from a ranch (usually very nice) to an apartment, condo or bungalow with waaaaay too many animals (and people) living under one roof. Thus, although many responsible owners have no trouble keeping their home clean in the presence of their animals, for others this can be a very bad situation. First thing is, obviously, the smell. This will deter someone right away.  Second is the hair everywhere, you won’t be able to get this house off your clothes for a while.  Not a good thing. Third, is the feces in the yard.  Again, often everywhere.  I am forced to try to avoid this feces while measuring the outside of the house. This is rather revolting. The individuals are usually very nice people, although they don’t seem to realize that the wear-and-tear on their home from these pets is often irreversible and will lead to thousands of dollars lost in repairs and/or market value.  Even worse is when the owner doesn’t live there and now you have a potentially ugly situation with the tenants.  Yikes.
• The “What is going on here?” Home:  Yep, this is the hoarder home or in some cases the squat home.  These homes have been vacant foreclosures 100% of the time I’ve appraised them.  They are horrendous, to the point where you cannot imagine how someone lived like this.  In these cases, the homes have been so badly damaged with dirt, filth, feces, urine and rot that they will have to be torn down and rebuilt completely.  These are not homes for the faint-of-heart!

Whether your home fits one of these categories or is a combination of them, one thing is for sure: how you live reflects YOU.  Think about this when you are deciding how to decorate, clean, maintain and set up your living environment. There are many ways to transform your space from chaos into comfort – but that’s for a future blog ;)

Ridiculous and Ridiculouser: Celebrity Homes Gone Cuckoo!

OK, I was going to write some more informative material on serious issues this week, but then I found this HGTV CELEBRITY HOMES FOR SALE article. All I can say is….uhm, wow!  I had to share.  I’m wondering how they even find each other in these places. Or maybe they don’t want to.

10. J.K. SIMMONS:

OK, this house isn’t too ridiculous so I gave it number 10.  I actually am not that familiar with this celebrity but his house is a reasonable 4,000 square foot home offered for $1.775 million (*note:  still four times larger than mine) in the Hollywood Hills.  It’s next door to Pussycat Dolls singer Nicole Scherzinger.  Yep. Location, location, location.

9. RON WHITE:

Ron White’s home has views near San Ysidro Ranch. Lots of views.  And it’s Spanish-style. No kidding.  I really have nothing bad to say about Ron’s house except it’s a THREE bedroom home priced at $3,595,000 which seems pretty ridiculous.  He gets a 9 for that.

8. BARRY MANILOW

Barry has the primo location in Malibu on the beach.  That seems about right!  One can lounge anywhere on the beach or overlook the ocean from his living room, all while listening to “Copacabana”. He’s selling for $10.9 million, down from $12.6 million.  Downside, this house only has four bedrooms….so you’re paying thousands a day for the views. Kind of ridiculous and comes in at an 8 because it’s in Malibu.

7. RYAN CABRERA (AKA ASHLEY SIMPSON’S EX)

All I can say here is, poor kid! Sounds like he got himself into a right mess.  He’s short-selling his house for $1.1 million. This is an example of young people making ridiculous decisions.  He’s desperate to get out after painting all the rooms a different garish color. The house boasts a pink living room, black bedroom, blue music room…it’s like a teenager went nuts in there. He has a cool outdoor kitchen though, which will be handy if they lock him out of the house, I guess.

6. JOAN RIVERS

Joan Rivers has good taste! (Not class mind you. Taste. They are different.) But that's why we love her. Hers is a prewar penthouse in New York City.  It’s a “classical revivalist” design completely restored by Joan to its original glory. That’s actually a nice change these days.  It’s 5,190 Square Feet (humungous for a penthouse!!) and of course has great style, views and location.  For $25 million. That’s a really ridiculous big penthouse.

5. LANCE ARMSTRONG

First off, Lance Armstrong has a 447 acre ranch with trails outside of Austin, TX.  So, that already makes a completely different impression since Lance’s house is really about the land and the lake of clean, private water he has access to.  Apparently, Lance is a smart guy and has figured out that clean water is important. Whoever buys this is making a very wise investment indeed.  The house is a nice, reasonable 5 bedroom. And it has great views and features.  But 447 acres is still pretty ridiculous for one person. He’s selling for $12 million which actually seems logical for a 447 acre ranch with a private lake.

4. RICKY MARTIN:

Ricky actually sold his house three years ago for a cool $15 million. Now it’s back-on-market for $26.9 million.  Go figure, I thought housing prices had declined!  This was originally a 9,000 square foot (!) house owned by an heiress and then by Michael Caine.  The 9,000 Square Foot home was demolished and rebuilt with 12 bathrooms, gym and tennis courts. Twelve bathrooms….wow, that’s a lot of mirrors. 

3. BEN STILLER:

Ben Stiller has THREE HOUSES on his lot that he is trying to sell.  OK, one is a guest house. But still, c'mon guys. He originally bought his home as a six-bedroom house, then bought two more adjacent lots and put two more houses on them. I suppose he was hoping to house all of LA’s migrant workers here?  The price is mentioned on Zillow.com as $12.5 million.

2. MEL GIBSON

Mel can’t sell! Mel’s comes in as the second most ridiculous house. He started his price out at $39 MILLION!!! Oh, now it’s down to $29.75 Million. What a bargain.  Actually, not to knock the house as it’s a Tudor-inspired mansion custom built in 1926.  But, it’s still ridiculous at 15,800 Square Feet with 15 bedrooms and 18 baths, great halls, gallery, and a “walk-in fireplace” (what??).  It has its own maze and a log cabin. Kind of appropriate, yeah? I don’t need to say anything about the “staff houses” on the property…

1. 50 CENT:

AND THE NUMBER ONE RIDICULOUS HOUSE GOES TO 50 CENT. He listed this for $18.5 million in 2007 and now it’s at $10.9 million. He rarely uses it, although he felt the need to change the house number to 50 of course.  OK, here’s the scoop: 21 bedrooms, 25 bathrooms, private lake with gazebo, indoor/outdoor pool, gym and theater in 48,000 SQUARE FEET OF LIVING SPACE!!!  That deserves….a big fat “I’M SHOCKED” GASP.   You could fit 48 homes in his house.  Forty-eight!!

Well, there you have it: The top ten celebrity homes for sale, in order of ridiculousness.  After reading something like this, it may be wise to just turn off the E! network for a while….and try not to think too much about what we just saw.